A Slice of Life

A Slice of Life

Inspiration: This piece is from my real-life experience taking my first pregnancy test.  The reason will surprise you.  Enjoy!

Oh, the Paranoia

            My mission was simple.  Get in and get out with a test, but not just any test—a pregnancy test.  My heart hammered in my chest, my cheeks were flushed and I swear every eye was on me as I entered CVS and made my way to the feminine care aisle.  I was overwhelmed when I came across a plethora of tests.  There were so many brands, so many colors, and so many product features to choose from I hardly knew what to decide on.   

            I just need one that tells me whether or not I’m pregnant, that’s all . . .  Something simple . . .

            I selected a digital test after much deliberation and made my way to the self-checkout area.  It would have been far too embarrassing to hand over the test to the clerk.  I was already flushed with embarrassment, how much redder could I get without my head exploding?  Once again, the sensation of being followed by judgmental eyes struck me.  I avoided eye contact with everyone around me as much as I could, and when I happened to briefly lock gazes with another, I had to stifle the urge to fumble out an excuse.

            This isn’t for me . . . not really, anyway.  It’s for my boyfriend and his paranoid mind.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I was doing this to prove a point?  Somehow the embarrassment and anxiety of this situation wasn’t worth what I was avidly trying verify as truth; I was not pregnant.   It didn’t matter how many times I told my boyfriend, Chris, though.  He was still convinced that there was a possibility that I might be. 

It’s like he doesn’t trust my knowledge of my body or something . . . Geez . . .

Putting my bitter thoughts aside, I paid and left the store, feeling some of the burden of my task ease as I walked home.  Now there was the actual test-taking part left to live through.  My stomach clenched painfully, my heart sped up exponentially as I rolled the idea over in my head, dread and doubt creeping up on me in slow waves.

This is my first pregnancy test . . . What if my guess is wrong and I am pregnant?

Suddenly a deluge of both fear and paranoia pieced my being, setting my mind in panic mode.

What the hell will I do if the test is positive?  How will I explain myself . . .?

I mentally shook myself, refusing to allow paranoia to rule my thoughts.  Nothing was set in stone until I took the test and read the results.

Just because my period is late doesn’t prove that I’m pregnant.  It just means I’m under a lot of stress and it’s throwing off my cycle.  Let’s just take test and see what happens.  The sooner the better . . .

I tossed the test in my bag to hide it from my family and took it into the bathroom with me.  I read the directions thoroughly and eyed the test I held in my hands.

My, my, I barely even know you and I’m expected to pee on your strip.  How forward I must seem . . .

I brushed aside my hysterical thoughts and proceeded to follow the directions to the letter.  I placed the test on the edge of the bathtub, eyes averted as I waited the designated time for the results to appear.  Those few minutes were the most tortuous I had ever had to endure.  Even with my mind crying out with surety that I was not pregnant, some darker, scared part of me doubted what I knew to be true in my heart.  No amount of surety could refute the blatant truth once I read the results.

Slowly, almost painfully so, I peered at the results and my stomach dropped.

Not Pregnant, the digital display read.

Just to verify, I checked the lines.—a single line.  Relief washed over me then my anger ignited.  I took a picture of the test results and sent it to Chris.

“I told you so, dammit!” 

I packed everything away, mind at ease now that I proved what I knew all along.

An experience is an experience and someday I’ll relive this moment for real, just not today . . .

I shut the bathroom door behind me with a smile and went on about my day, stress and prospective baby free.

-END-